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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

A Guide to Headwear in Congress – Graphic

March 28, 2012 Leave a comment

Congress member Bobby Rush (D-Il) was recently removed from the floor of Congress for wearing a hoodie in protest of the shooting of Trayvon Martin.  The rule used to remove Rep. Rush dates to the 1800s and mandates that the wearing of hats on the floor is prohibited.  Hoodies are apparently considered to be “hats” by congress, yet their definition doesn’t seem to extend to toupees (which many caucasian members of congress wear; though to be fair, Maxine Waters wears wigs).

To help people avoid being removed from the congressional floor in the future – I’ve created this helpful graphic and there’s a mnemonic that goes with it: “Toupee, OK – Hoodie, No Wai.”

A Guide to Headwear in Congress

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Top Ten Fake Apple Wednesday Announcements – 3/7/12

March 7, 2012 1 comment

Ping Fail

March 7, 2012 marked yet another holiday for geeks (and especially poseur geeks) as another Apple Wednesday unveiled a new iPad, Apple TV, and Ver. 5.1 of iOS.  Here are my Top Ten Fake Apple Wednesday Announcements:

10.  Included in the code of iOS 5.1 are the text of suicide letters from Foxconn employees.

9.  The “nerd tax” inflated initial price of the iPad 3 is now eligible for a federal deduction.

8.  Apple’s stock price plummeted when it was announced Steve Jobs will be succeeded as CEO by Steve Jobs-un.

7. For the release of the iPad 3, Apple secured a legal exemption for drivers caught using the product while driving – “texting while driving” laws do not apply to “swiping while driving.”

6. If you hold the new 3rd Gen HD iPad the wrong way, it reverts back to standard definition video.

5. With the release of the iPad 3, Apple also announced a patent for the number “3” and the concept of “sequential integers.”

4. Apple announced a new approval process for app developers involving more spinning blades, optical illusions, and more strenuous riddles.

3. Revamped Apple TV comes bundled with a new version of the Ping social network conveniently preset to be ignored.

2. During unveiling of iPad 3, Apple announced pre-orders now available for iPad 4.

1. Per his wishes, the cremated remains of Steve Jobs were mixed in with the components of the iPad3 during manufacture.

What They Think I Do – Superhero Edition

February 23, 2012 Leave a comment

Had a little fun with Spidey on this meme:

What They Think I Do - Superhero

 

The “What I Actually Do” Meme – Public Relations

February 13, 2012 8 comments

There’s a new meme! – Quickly, to the Dawkinsifier!  Here’s my version for Public Relations:

What I Think I Do - Public Relations

 

The Top 11 Things you Actually Need to Know About Pinterest

January 17, 2012 10 comments

The Pinterested

Detroit Free Press Technology columnist Mark W. Smith recently described the workings of the nascent social network Pinterest to readers in a column titled “Pinterest: 11 Things to Know About the Surging Social Network.”  Unfortunately the column focuses on practical and factual things.

Here’s what you will learn from using Pinterest:

  1. Pinterest is Like Falling Into a Display at New York & Company:  No, really.  The network is nearly 60 percent female.  If you have a  Y chromosome, you’ll feel like a salmon swimming upstream trying to find content for your socially-apportioned gender role.
  2. “The Secret” Lost out Big-time:  You know “The Secret?” – the faux-scientific motivational program that misapplies the law of attraction, encouraging adherents to cut out pictures of the things they want (as to help them with the “wanting” process which will magically attract those things to them) and plaster them on “Vision Boards?”  Well, guess what Pinterest is? – I guess Rhonda Byrne didn’t have “Coding” on her vision board.
  3. Women love Makeup: No, they really do.  It represents about 50 percent of the objects they pin (if you include photos of female celebrities they want to look like).
  4. You Never Knew There Were This Many Storage Solutions: Seriously.  Who knew there were so many ways to organize, sort, and compartmentalize our junk?  For some reason the next popular fetish after airbrushed celebrities is complete and total order in one’s closets and drawers.  This probably relates to our Purtian roots.
  5. Men are Perverts: Sure everybody knows men think about sex once every five nanoseconds, but Pinterest helps illustrate just how much men think about sex by plastering your board with “tasteful” nude photography from “art” from The Pinterested (that’s the name I’m coining for Pinterest users since I can’t seem to find an official one elsewhere).  Did you know incorporating paint, key lighting or toile into a photo is all it takes to render it not porn?  You do now – so get to work.
  6. Pinterest is not for People With Eating Disorders: Between all of the celebrity idolization and tasteful nudes, anyone with body issues is going to relate to the social networking site like a moth relates to a hot lightbulb.
  7. People Love Nostalgia:  Pinterest isn’t just for looking at the present and future of things we covet – it’s also for all of the things we’ve coveted in the past, from Underoos to black and white pictorials depicting celebrities of yesteryear.
  8. Food can be Pornographic:  While Pinterest seems to be relatively free of photos of cats, it’s not immune to its share of food porn.  Pinterest has photos of food for every stripe of culinary fetishist: from the tasteful and well-lit collages, to dirty, grainy amateur shots.
  9. America Needs More Free Counter Space:  There is apparently a deficit more serious than the one being addressed by the legislature in the Debt Ceiling debate – and that national shortage is on available horizontal space upon which to place tshotchkes.  No one has enough display shelves to hold all of the cutesy little projects you can complete yourself with just three trips to Michaels.
  10. Women Think Men pay Attention to Their Hairdos:  Given all of the how-tos, close-ups, and slideshows of the intricacies of the latest hairstyles the female users post – I can only assume they’re laboring under the delusion that men actually pay attention to what their hair looks like.  Bizarre!
  11. We Love Advice we Rarely Take:  One in five photos on Pinterest is an illustration of an aspirational/inspirational quote from someone notable.  Unfortunately, instead of following the advice we’re all collecting images of the material objects that will fill the gaping consumer voids we’ve all been trained to carve out since infancy.

New Cocktail: The “Bloody Libel” [Instructions]

January 13, 2011 1 comment

How to Make a Bloody Libel Cocktail

Perfect for a mama grizzly after a long day at the office…

(with help from @JocelynGR)