March 7, 2012 marked yet another holiday for geeks (and especially poseur geeks) as another Apple Wednesday unveiled a new iPad, Apple TV, and Ver. 5.1 of iOS. Here are my Top Ten Fake Apple Wednesday Announcements:
10. Included in the code of iOS 5.1 are the text of suicide letters from Foxconn employees.
9. The “nerd tax” inflated initial price of the iPad 3 is now eligible for a federal deduction.
8. Apple’s stock price plummeted when it was announced Steve Jobs will be succeeded as CEO by Steve Jobs-un.
7. For the release of the iPad 3, Apple secured a legal exemption for drivers caught using the product while driving – “texting while driving” laws do not apply to “swiping while driving.”
6. If you hold the new 3rd Gen HD iPad the wrong way, it reverts back to standard definition video.
5. With the release of the iPad 3, Apple also announced a patent for the number “3” and the concept of “sequential integers.”
4. Apple announced a new approval process for app developers involving more spinning blades, optical illusions, and more strenuous riddles.
3. Revamped Apple TV comes bundled with a new version of the Ping social network conveniently preset to be ignored.
2. During unveiling of iPad 3, Apple announced pre-orders now available for iPad 4.
1. Per his wishes, the cremated remains of Steve Jobs were mixed in with the components of the iPad3 during manufacture.